Are you being “Gas-Lighted”? (Form of Emotional Abuse)

Gas-Lighting is a very aggressive and dangerous form of Emotional Abuse – where the abuser slowly, yet surely convinces his victim that she is worthless. Her sense of self is destroyed completely and she is dependent on him for her very existence.

This is a mental manipulation where the woman starts feeling that her own action/s border on “insanity” or not normal.

What makes this form of emotional abuse the most dangerous is that the abuser isn’t violent verbally – he uses smooth and soft language to manipulate the woman.

Are YOU being Gas-Lighted?

Continue reading Are you being “Gas-Lighted”? (Form of Emotional Abuse)

O Womaniya … Bubbles

“Bubbles” they called her – for the day she opened her eyes, happiness and joy simply bubbled out of her.

Her pink face, her cherub smile, her goldenish hair which curled up just right, her twinkling eyes, her hyper active need to attract attention and make people smile – she simply “bubbled”!

So Bubbles Mehta – it was!

She had spent 20 years studying harder than all of her cousins, friends and neighbours. And had been getting the best grades amongst all – her energy never waned for a minute… she was after all Bubbles.

She had her fair share of scrapes with the school and college authorities. She did end up in detention many many times.

Once she was almost thrown out of school. And that was the one scrape she was most proud of – she had climbed the school clock tower 22 feet off the ground to save 3 abandoned kittens. The Principal and Warden – both after having a near coronary attack on seeing Bubbles’ vertical climb; sent for her parents when she finally came down.

The next scene was simply 2 shouting women, a set of sheepish parents, an ever smiling Bubbles with 3 kittens who must surely be wondering why the decibel levels were so high. The end result was Bubbles simply dumping all 3 kittens in the screaming Principal’s lap. And the rest, as school legend had it – was history.

Bubbles seemingly lived from one mess to another – but nothing serious or earth shattering ever resulted from it. She bounced right back with the beatific smile on her face and more joy to spread.

Her worst critics – criticised her with a smile on their faces. It was as though a naughty angel had ‘struck lightening’ in their backyard, and they didn’t know whether to feel blessed or exasperated or annoyed!

Now this “Naughty Angel” did have her own Vice…

Her only vice was TRAVELLING!

 

She loved visiting new places and meeting new people. And as her Deeda (Granny) always joked – “making the lives of new people miserable was her hobby”.

 

It was this very VICE which changed Bubble Mehta’s life forever….


To read the full story, read my book:

A Normal Indian by Malavika Sharma

O Dulhaniya … Chand-ki-Chakor

Chand was 13 and Chakor was 11 when the talk around their marriage happened for the 1st time.

Both girls had seen many many girls get married from Katihar and claimed to know “many many things” and yet there were things which they never could quite understand.

(Katihar is a district of Bihar)

And they knew way too much…. (thats what their mothers laughingly complained)

 

Chand-ki-Chakor

Chand was named by her great grand mother on her dying bed as a last wish – and when Chakor came 2 years later in the neighboring house – she simply became Chand’s shadow….

Continue reading O Dulhaniya … Chand-ki-Chakor

O Dulhaniya … Heer

Heer of the Heer-Ranjha tale fame was declared Miss Patiala in 2014 – her preening mother emphasized this at her “marriage negotiations”.

Sattpal Singh Randhawa’s mother and grandmother only “hmmmpphedd” and smiled indulgently.

They had known of Heer’s beauty and thats what drew them to Patiala to ask for Heer’s hand for Sattpal.

She was going to be the “answer to their prayers”….

The Summer of Love and Life

She was the right kind of beauty with brains – and could speak English! To the Randhawa family that mattered as their son has studied in England for 3 years and then returned to join the family business…

Continue reading O Dulhaniya … Heer

SuRekha

8 years had passed – and Surekha still wondered if she had lived a dream…

She often found her “free time” thinking about those times….. times when she was alone with her birds. (Surekha was very fond of pigeons)

 


Mumbai – March, 2010

A bright day and lots and lots of visitors from all over the country and abroad had come to see the Gateway Of India.

Surekha and her new husband had gone to visit Mumbai for their “Honeymoon”. And thats where for the 1st time 1 pigeon actually came and sat on her hand.

Since Surekha wasn’t allowed to take his name and always called him “ai-ji”…..For our ease lets just call him Raja.

 

Since Surekha wasn’t allowed to take his name and always called him “ai-ji”…..For our ease lets just call him Raja.


To read the full story, read my book:

A Normal Indian by Malavika Sharma

 

Mein Sita

It has been 4 years and Sita is still a “Dulhaniya”.

She dresses each day in red and applies mehendi and alta – as if it were a daily ritual.

Her churis often break – and she rushes to replace them.

Her sindoor is deep red and always omni present… her smile a permanent fixture…

O Dulhaniya … Sita

BUT – sita does NOT tie her hair! She hasn’t tied them for the last 4 years…

Continue reading Mein Sita

Me Like Moment – women can retain their “OWN” names on their Passport … BUT

The PM in “a bold change from the past kind of move” announced women can retain their “OWN” names on their Passport.

Its a BOLD move – as the deeply entrenched patriarchal systems in India automatically assume that post marriage the woman becomes the property of the husband – hence needs to be “stamped” as such…

This move gives a woman her the right to “retain her old (own) identity”.

                                                                                        Freedom

A FREEDOM introduced……..indeed………..

BUT….

Continue reading Me Like Moment – women can retain their “OWN” names on their Passport … BUT

Radha Teri Chunari

Radha – lay quietly weeping on the floor, she had physically curled up like a fetus!

Her hair was a mess, her bangles broken, her clothes ripped, her face battered and bruised, her hands scratched…


Next morning she was woken up by a sound on the door – and she rushed to open it – to realize that she didn’t even have proper clothes on (hers were torn).

A woman and her MIL came in – and sniggered – “Looks like they had fun…”

 


FUN : This word echoed in Radha’s mind. How the F*** have fun when someone is beating you, cussing at you, tearing your clothes off, scratching you, forcibly entering you…

Continue reading Radha Teri Chunari

I stood up – to SHAME body SHAMERS…

8th April late night saw me “rant” on FB about Body-shaming! (the excerpt is below)

 

WHY did I write on FB ?

  • I meant to actually get things off my chest and tell each body shamer I know personally to “take a hike”
  • I meant to stand up for myself – and TEACH others around me who watch me – to stand up for herself/himself

I got some very lovely and empowering responses in terms of around 250 plus likes and 65 msgs (this number is still rising)

Sharing a few with you (there were 65 comments):

Continue reading I stood up – to SHAME body SHAMERS…

That Boy loved “SPICE”

Vivaan or “the Rock” as people called him – was the high school football caption and was up for National Selections in 1 month.

So was Ruhail…

Vivaan and Ruhail were the proverbial “Jai Veeru” jodi from Sholay and the whole school knew that! And yet they were the most aggressive competitors!

Be it girls or grades or the highest number of goals – they competed on absolutely everything!

And NO they had NO secrets! EVER!

The bro-code remained…. until it didn’t…

Vivaan – The Boy Who loved Spice

Continue reading That Boy loved “SPICE”