Women make BESTest Friends

Are you one of those women who has at one time with pride or exasperation or annoyance claimed any of these:

  • Women can never be true to you if you are a woman!
  • Women can never hold secrets!
  • I have never ever had a woman friend…

I am dedicating my life experiences (some 11 of them) – to YOU… you who don’t have women friends…

Continue reading Women make BESTest Friends

19 hacks to Writing a Decent JD, to get the RIGHT Candidate

Dear HR and Recruitment Folks,

Have you struggled with getting the right candidate for the role?

Have you been cribbing with the variety of people applying?

Stop and think – what exactly did you put up in the Job Descriptions…

19 Super quick HACKs which can actually get you the RIGHT and better filtered candidate…

Continue reading 19 hacks to Writing a Decent JD, to get the RIGHT Candidate

WHAT is it….? (Entrepreneurship / Start Up)

I have had a few very shocking revelations across the last 2 months – a period where I have not posted too much here…. but have been spending time “meeting young people”….

Young People = Girls and Boys around the age of 18 to 22 – (Ranchi, Jamshedpur, Bokaro, Dhanbad, New Delhi, Gurgaon, Varanasi) 

They have QUESTIONS – which they have not been voicing… 

Some Pertinent, Some Relevant, Some complete Rubbish… but they have not been ASKING…

Continue reading WHAT is it….? (Entrepreneurship / Start Up)

Are you being “Gas-Lighted”? (Form of Emotional Abuse)

Gas-Lighting is a very aggressive and dangerous form of Emotional Abuse – where the abuser slowly, yet surely convinces his victim that she is worthless. Her sense of self is destroyed completely and she is dependent on him for her very existence.

This is a mental manipulation where the woman starts feeling that her own action/s border on “insanity” or not normal.

What makes this form of emotional abuse the most dangerous is that the abuser isn’t violent verbally – he uses smooth and soft language to manipulate the woman.

Are YOU being Gas-Lighted?

Continue reading Are you being “Gas-Lighted”? (Form of Emotional Abuse)

The HRM Unicorn – will Start-Ups catch it?

Human Resource Management – HRM is the management of People Resources to maximize their performance keeping in view the overall strategy of the company.

It is a subject of study world over and given due importance in ALL middle to large companies – with specialists being hired for doing this role. Many companies outsource this function to HRM specialists as consultants.

But Start-Ups in India do not see this function as an essential part of their business. It’s like a Unicorn! Something which is needed only by large corporations.

In my interaction and working with Start Ups over the last 4 years these are the 5 absolute best reasons I have heard for “not catching the HRM Unicorn”:

The HRM Unicorn

Continue reading The HRM Unicorn – will Start-Ups catch it?

What is it like being a woman in India?

Some thoughts shared by women aged 18 to 40yrs – women who have lived out experiences – of their own and of other women around them.
These women are ALL from educated backgrounds and can easily be called “privileged”.
BUT their echoes of “What it is like to be a WOMAN in India?” are eerily similar.
(I have put in 10 broad themes out – and have tried to capture “as is” thoughts – I haven’t analyzed anything or tried to justify anything….)
  1.  Women aren’t safe outside their homes: You are never ever safe outside home as per what elders say… But what about sexual abuse within the house? As a child or an adult? We don’t speak of it…
  2. Wearing short clothes leads to rape??? Don’t wear short clothes? What will people say? What if you get raped? Why don’t people accept that rape and sexuality don’t go together – rape is about control and mental and physical dominance. The Nirbhaya kand proves it… She wasn’t wearing a mini skirt! (Rape is a simple non-consensual / forced act of having sex. It implies complete dominance of body and decision-making power to the rapist. The brutality is not just on the body but on the soul of the woman – she lives it each day – every day!)
  3. The Great Indian SLAP : Oh, why is it so ok to slap a woman if she is wrong? Face palm slap across the face? Just watch any serial or movie… Even if she is a villain – why a slap across the face? The sheer violence of it – and then the worst is the acceptance of this violence as “normal and acceptable”. If a halla is made around a slap – the prompt answer is it’s just a slap”. No one sees it as an act of authority and complete dominance – first to judge you and then to get physically violent with you! And off course the fact that “she was asking for it”…. something commonly told to us to explain away THE SLAP.
  4. Educated and well-placed women don’t want girl kids: Do you know women who are educated and working with a good salary want ONLY sons? They are fine with aborting a girl child – then it’s not about education and the money you earn – it’s about a DISGUSTING mindset! A mindset which says girls are inferior and a liability! Patriarchy and misogyny! An argument with such women leads to the defense that “don’t you know the status of women in society etc etc, also how unsafe it is…. etc etc” – and somehow they seem to forget that they too are women who were educated by their parents…
  5. WHY do horrible Patriarchal Marriage rituals still exist? Why do educated women allow for patriarchal marriage rituals like Bidai to happen? It gives complete control to the male of the house – where a father does “kanya-daan” to the husband – as if the girl/woman is an inanimate object. Are you aware that in some places the rituals are preposterous enough where the father of the bride goes down on his knees and washes the feet of the groom to be as a “mark of respect” (for God’s sake the guy is as old as his son – WHY this respect? Lets call a spade a spade – its NOT respect – its all about “DOMINANCE”)
  6. DOWRY is a CRIME – why do women allow it being given? Why don’t women refuse to marry men demanding dowry or mothers/fathers of the boy demanding dowry? If a man or his family has to be paid to marry your daughter – then why doesn’t he move into your home – after all you are buying him?If it’s about property rights of the girls etc etc – then let there be a property division where the girl gets what’s hers – and NOT the husband or in-laws! This shall ensure that no girl is killed! For if they kill the girl then the property would revert back to the father’s family in case of no heir or goto the child of the dead girl – the husband and in-laws would not be gaining… WHY don’t we push for this awareness?
  7. Why don’t we shame the rapists??? Why do we always shame the rape survivor? See any immediate hush hush reaction to a rape report! Do you know even the police try to hush up matters… So the moment any girls runs to you or anyone speaking of her rape – the immediate reaction is “Shhhh…. “WHY – shy should she Shhh? She hasnt dont anything wrong! She has been violated in the worst possible way… BTW – in cases of marital rape the Shhhhh is followed by “ye to hota hi hai, its his right” – so the woman has no control over her body?
  8. India has pedophiles! Why aren’t we acknowledging pedophiles? And creating strict laws and punishments around it? And why are we blaming western culture for everything? We never spoke about it earlier…. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen?
  9. Why do the women members of a rapist’s family never stand in favour of the victim? Why do they look the other way? Why do they justify the ACT as “boys will be boys”? And push for “mere ladke ki zindagi kharab ho jaayegi” – thus implying that the ACT itself didn’t ruin his life – and possibly that the girl’s life isn’t important enough…
  10. Domestic violence is an acceptable part of marriage: The family elders – on both sides tell the woman to “suck it up and brave it – it happens to everyone” and further add “You should try to please him and not annoy/anger him”. Adding to this is the fact that the police also tell the women that only…. and add “madam aap kaise thaane ke chakkar lagaogi…. ye sab to hota rahta hai”
Even lawyers discourage the woman from going to court unless she is rich! They simply see it as “normal occurance” and a matter of rights of the husband – and they claim that in any case the woman shall go back to the husband – so why bother…. (loads of arguements around fees for lawyers and paper work for police people)
These 10 thoughts are from women who have spent time in trying to change themselves and the society around them!
#changeByTalking 

O Womaniya … Bubbles

“Bubbles” they called her – for the day she opened her eyes, happiness and joy simply bubbled out of her.

So Bubbles Mehta – it was!

She spent 20 years studying her butt off and getting the best grades ever – her energy never waned for a minute… she was after all Bubbles.

Her only vice – TRAVELLING!

And it was this very VICE which changed Bubble Mehta’s life forever….

Continue reading O Womaniya … Bubbles

O Dulhaniya … Chand-ki-Chakor

Chand was 13 and Chakor was 11 when the talk around their marriage happened for the 1st time.

Both girls had seen what happened to “girls married off” from Katihar.

(Katihar is a district of Bihar)

They knew!

And they knew way too much…. (thats what their mothers complained)

Chand-ki-Chakor

Chand was named by her great grand mother on her dying bed as a last wish – and when Chakor came 2 years later in the neighboring house – she simply became Chand’s shadow….

Continue reading O Dulhaniya … Chand-ki-Chakor

O Dulhaniya … Heer

Heer of the Heer-Ranjha tale fame was declared Miss Patiala in 2014 – her preening mother emphasized this at her “marriage negotiations”.

Sattpal Singh Randhawa’s mother and grandmother only “hmmmpphedd” and smiled indulgently.

They had known of Heer’s beauty and thats what drew them to Patiala to ask for Heer’s hand for Sattpal.

She was going to be the “answer to their prayers”….

The Summer of Love and Life

She was the right kind of beauty with brains – and could speak English! To the Randhawa family that mattered as their son has studied in England for 3 years and then returned to join the family business…

Continue reading O Dulhaniya … Heer

O Dulhaniya … SuRekha

6 years had passed – and Surekha still wondered if she had lived a dream…

She often found her “free time” thinking about those times….. times when she was alone with her birds. (Surekha was very fond of pigeons)


Mumbai – March, 2010

A bright day and lots and lots of visitors from all over the country and abroad had come to see the Gateway Of India.

Surekha and her new husband had gone to visit Mumbai for their “Honeymoon”. And thats where for the 1st time 1 pigeon actually came and sat on her hand.

Since Surekha wasn’t allowed to take his name and always called him “ai-ji”…..For our ease lets just call him Raja.


Continue reading O Dulhaniya … SuRekha