Are you one of those women who has at one time with pride or exasperation or annoyance claimed any of these:
- Women can never be true to you if you are a woman!
- Women can never hold secrets!
- I have never ever had a woman friend…
I am dedicating my life experiences (some 11 of them) – to YOU… you who don’t have women friends…
Dear HR and Recruitment Folks,
Have you struggled with getting the right candidate for the role?
Have you been cribbing with the variety of people applying?
Stop and think – what exactly did you put up in the Job Descriptions…
19 Super quick HACKs which can actually get you the RIGHT and better filtered candidate…
I have had a few very shocking revelations across the last 2 months – a period where I have not posted too much here…. but have been spending time “meeting young people”….
Young People = Girls and Boys around the age of 18 to 22 – (Ranchi, Jamshedpur, Bokaro, Dhanbad, New Delhi, Gurgaon, Varanasi)
They have QUESTIONS – which they have not been voicing…
Some Pertinent, Some Relevant, Some complete Rubbish… but they have not been ASKING…
Gas-Lighting is a very aggressive and dangerous form of Emotional Abuse – where the abuser slowly, yet surely convinces his victim that she is worthless. Her sense of self is destroyed completely and she is dependent on him for her very existence.
This is a mental manipulation where the woman starts feeling that her own action/s border on “insanity” or not normal.
What makes this form of emotional abuse the most dangerous is that the abuser isn’t violent verbally – he uses smooth and soft language to manipulate the woman.
Are YOU being Gas-Lighted?
Human Resource Management – HRM is the management of People Resources to maximize their performance keeping in view the overall strategy of the company.
It is a subject of study world over and given due importance in ALL middle to large companies – with specialists being hired for doing this role. Many companies outsource this function to HRM specialists as consultants.
But Start-Ups in India do not see this function as an essential part of their business. It’s like a Unicorn! Something which is needed only by large corporations.
In my interaction and working with Start Ups over the last 4 years these are the 5 absolute best reasons I have heard for “not catching the HRM Unicorn”:
- Women aren’t safe outside their homes: You are never ever safe outside home as per what elders say… But what about sexual abuse within the house? As a child or an adult? We don’t speak of it…
- Wearing short clothes leads to rape??? Don’t wear short clothes? What will people say? What if you get raped? Why don’t people accept that rape and sexuality don’t go together – rape is about control and mental and physical dominance. The Nirbhaya kand proves it… She wasn’t wearing a mini skirt! (Rape is a simple non-consensual / forced act of having sex. It implies complete dominance of body and decision-making power to the rapist. The brutality is not just on the body but on the soul of the woman – she lives it each day – every day!)
- The Great Indian SLAP : Oh, why is it so ok to slap a woman if she is wrong? Face palm slap across the face? Just watch any serial or movie… Even if she is a villain – why a slap across the face? The sheer violence of it – and then the worst is the acceptance of this violence as “normal and acceptable”. If a halla is made around a slap – the prompt answer is “it’s just a slap”. No one sees it as an act of authority and complete dominance – first to judge you and then to get physically violent with you! And off course the fact that “she was asking for it”…. something commonly told to us to explain away THE SLAP.
- Educated and well-placed women don’t want girl kids: Do you know women who are educated and working with a good salary want ONLY sons? They are fine with aborting a girl child – then it’s not about education and the money you earn – it’s about a DISGUSTING mindset! A mindset which says girls are inferior and a liability! Patriarchy and misogyny! An argument with such women leads to the defense that “don’t you know the status of women in society etc etc, also how unsafe it is…. etc etc” – and somehow they seem to forget that they too are women who were educated by their parents…
- WHY do horrible Patriarchal Marriage rituals still exist? Why do educated women allow for patriarchal marriage rituals like Bidai to happen? It gives complete control to the male of the house – where a father does “kanya-daan” to the husband – as if the girl/woman is an inanimate object. Are you aware that in some places the rituals are preposterous enough where the father of the bride goes down on his knees and washes the feet of the groom to be as a “mark of respect” (for God’s sake the guy is as old as his son – WHY this respect? Lets call a spade a spade – its NOT respect – its all about “DOMINANCE”)
- DOWRY is a CRIME – why do women allow it being given? Why don’t women refuse to marry men demanding dowry or mothers/fathers of the boy demanding dowry? If a man or his family has to be paid to marry your daughter – then why doesn’t he move into your home – after all you are buying him?If it’s about property rights of the girls etc etc – then let there be a property division where the girl gets what’s hers – and NOT the husband or in-laws! This shall ensure that no girl is killed! For if they kill the girl then the property would revert back to the father’s family in case of no heir or goto the child of the dead girl – the husband and in-laws would not be gaining… WHY don’t we push for this awareness?
- Why don’t we shame the rapists??? Why do we always shame the rape survivor? See any immediate hush hush reaction to a rape report! Do you know even the police try to hush up matters… So the moment any girls runs to you or anyone speaking of her rape – the immediate reaction is “Shhhh…. “WHY – shy should she Shhh? She hasnt dont anything wrong! She has been violated in the worst possible way… BTW – in cases of marital rape the Shhhhh is followed by “ye to hota hi hai, its his right” – so the woman has no control over her body?
- India has pedophiles! Why aren’t we acknowledging pedophiles? And creating strict laws and punishments around it? And why are we blaming western culture for everything? We never spoke about it earlier…. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen?
- Why do the women members of a rapist’s family never stand in favour of the victim? Why do they look the other way? Why do they justify the ACT as “boys will be boys”? And push for “mere ladke ki zindagi kharab ho jaayegi” – thus implying that the ACT itself didn’t ruin his life – and possibly that the girl’s life isn’t important enough…
- Domestic violence is an acceptable part of marriage: The family elders – on both sides tell the woman to “suck it up and brave it – it happens to everyone” and further add “You should try to please him and not annoy/anger him”. Adding to this is the fact that the police also tell the women that only…. and add “madam aap kaise thaane ke chakkar lagaogi…. ye sab to hota rahta hai”
“Bubbles” they called her – for the day she opened her eyes, happiness and joy simply bubbled out of her.
Her pink face, her cherub smile, her goldenish hair which curled up just right, her twinkling eyes, her hyper active need to attract attention and make people smile – she simply “bubbled”!
So Bubbles Mehta – it was!
She had spent 20 years studying harder than all of her cousins, friends and neighbours. And had been getting the best grades amongst all – her energy never waned for a minute… she was after all Bubbles.
She had her fair share of scrapes with the school and college authorities. She did end up in detention many many times.
Once she was almost thrown out of school. And that was the one scrape she was most proud of – she had climbed the school clock tower 22 feet off the ground to save 3 abandoned kittens. The Principal and Warden – both after having a near coronary attack on seeing Bubbles’ vertical climb; sent for her parents when she finally came down.
The next scene was simply 2 shouting women, a set of sheepish parents, an ever smiling Bubbles with 3 kittens who must surely be wondering why the decibel levels were so high. The end result was Bubbles simply dumping all 3 kittens in the screaming Principal’s lap. And the rest, as school legend had it – was history.
Bubbles seemingly lived from one mess to another – but nothing serious or earth shattering ever resulted from it. She bounced right back with the beatific smile on her face and more joy to spread.
Her worst critics – criticised her with a smile on their faces. It was as though a naughty angel had ‘struck lightening’ in their backyard, and they didn’t know whether to feel blessed or exasperated or annoyed!
Now this “Naughty Angel” did have her own Vice…
Her only vice was TRAVELLING!
She loved visiting new places and meeting new people. And as her Deeda (Granny) always joked – “making the lives of new people miserable was her hobby”.
It was this very VICE which changed Bubble Mehta’s life forever….
To read the full story, read my book:
Chand was 13 and Chakor was 11 when the talk around their marriage happened for the 1st time.
Both girls had seen many many girls get married from Katihar and claimed to know “many many things” and yet there were things which they never could quite understand.
(Katihar is a district of Bihar)
And they knew way too much…. (thats what their mothers laughingly complained)
Chand was named by her great grand mother on her dying bed as a last wish – and when Chakor came 2 years later in the neighboring house – she simply became Chand’s shadow….
Heer of the Heer-Ranjha tale fame was declared Miss Patiala in 2014 – her preening mother emphasized this at her “marriage negotiations”.
Sattpal Singh Randhawa’s mother and grandmother only “hmmmpphedd” and smiled indulgently.
They had known of Heer’s beauty and thats what drew them to Patiala to ask for Heer’s hand for Sattpal.
She was going to be the “answer to their prayers”….
She was the right kind of beauty with brains – and could speak English! To the Randhawa family that mattered as their son has studied in England for 3 years and then returned to join the family business…