Why does Urban – Mommyhood equal a career break?

Mommyhood in India almost always defined a career break taken by working mothers out of what they refer to as their choice. I question that tenet in the 1^st place – and ask that is it YOUR choice or the choice of social norms?

Why doesn’t an agrarian woman working in the fields or in the village take a “career break” and why do urban women almost always end up with a career break?

I have often wondered why is it that Urban mommies opt for career breaks and not maternity leaves? They decide to leave their jobs for 5 to 6 years – jobs which they have been trained for or have worked hard at getting!

And during these 5 to 6 years of their breaks – I have seen mommies veer from the ecstasy of motherhood to groaning about their change in lifestyle to mommies getting depressed as they no longer are owners of their own finances!

After the child grows up and starts her/his school – then the mommies wish to return to the work place. Now starts the challenge – getting a mommy returning from work a job which is suited to her skill sets and also her abilities.

In some rare cases, the mommy returning from a 6 yr break does get her dream job! BUT in most cases she struggles to get a job of her choice – and in most cases she gets desperate to take any job!

Now drawing back your attention to the rural mommy. She has her baby – and she takes her baby to her work place – ie the fields. And the interesting thing is that rural women also form a circle of care-givers where 1 or 2 women take care of the children of the rest of the women. This is quite like the crèche system you hear about in the urban settings. The difference being that this isn’t a paid service – instead the other mothers take care of the household chores and field work and any other earning-work on behalf of the care-givers and also their own work.

So then why do Urban mommies just let go of their careers on a full-time break for 5 to 6 years?

1. The constant mommy guilt that is in-built into every woman who is training to be a professional and/or working as one.
2. The mother is naturally supposed to be the care-giver – and the father isn’t even expected to know which side the nappy is tied. In fact any man offering to help is chided.
3. The mommy earns less than the daddy so she should leave her job. Most Indian marriages – love or arranged have the woman earning less than her husband. In many cases this is the “done thing” else the ego of the man shall not permit it – a conversation which all families have during marriage negotiations.
4. The bane or boon of the nuclear families. With no elders to support child care – the woman simply has to give up her job! Thats the done thing….
5. Not having reliable domestic help at home
6. Not having the option to work from home or flexi working hours

But WAIT – is it always this patriarchal mind-set which ensures that the woman ends up with a 5 to 6 year break from her career?

Or is there a different angle we need to also consider. An angle we do speak about but we never ever analyze. The COMPANIES themselves:

1. Most companies hiring women – wish to know when the woman shall get married, if her husband is in a transferable job, when will she have a baby etc. While I do understand that most women do face these issues of moving with their spouse, BUT why do companies themselves force on these patriarchal beliefs. In fact you shall be surprised to note that at most times companies prefer to hire men in critical positions vs women (if they are similarly qualified)
2. Most Companies do not have female friendly spaces – which allow for women to bring their kids to work daily. Eg a good day care or crèche service. Yes many reputed firms/companies do have these services – but think of how many in actual numbers are those?
3. Companies do not wish to give flexi-timing to mommies. Some companies do – but most companies do not. Thus binding the mommy.
4. Companies do not allow for women to work from home during the early days of mommyhood. The system of many companies can be done on a outsource mode – and hence they can shift the jobs to homes. But they don’t do it citing security reasons. But this too has been refuted by studies which have proved that “work at home” is cheaper for the company, more productive and also ensures high ethics levels for the employees.
5. Companies accept and encourage patriarchal norms – and encourage women to take a break – both tacitly and blatantly
6. Companies do not spend any money on medicare for expecting women and basic nursing care for infants and small kids. They automatically assume that these are a woman’s job!

And YOU always wondered if patriarchy was a man and woman thing – apparently its also a systems thing which leads to companies also.

Now going back to the rural mommy – she has a support system which seemingly is more robust, around her!

She has the support of other women! And also of her work-place / bosses!

But the urban mommy is left to struggle – ALONE!

So she takes a break – and when she returns back to the work place 6 yrs later – she finds it super touch to get a job for herself! A job which suits her profile and/or her seniority!

All these issues could have been avoided if she didn’t take the break – and instead companies and the social systems around the urban mommies supported her!

Urban mommies – think…

Companies who hire urban mommies – think…

And friends and family of urban mommies – think…